This is the letter that I wanted to write and send in my last semester of college, though I never would have actually sent this to my professor.
Dear Professor Who-Will-Not-Be-Named,
I would like to begin my open letter with a line of praise. I'll admit that I admire your wide, genuine grin and hearty laugh. You are a truly kind human being and you are also really smart. You may or may not have noticed that I often laugh and smile in class, but that I also spend at least half of the class looking very confused and sometimes even a little petrified.
Please allow me to explain. It's not that I am at all afraid of you. It's just that although I am philosophy major, I still manage to score “sensing” every time on the myers-briggs test. This means that I do not follow your non-linear lectures. Instead, I sit on the edge of my seat, pretending to take notes while occasionally flipping through my book with an ever-increasing sense of desperation, hoping to find a concrete page to reference. Of course, by the time I have found the page you were talking about five minutes ago, you have moved on and are talking about something new. Yes, usually by this time you are talking about some philosopher I have never read and I'm sure I look like a deer in the headlights trying to figure out what on earth this has to do with the assigned reading and whether or not I should be taking notes. Meanwhile, the curly-haired guy who sits nearest me in class is making a connection with some of the books he's read. It seems that said curly-haired student has read everything. Literally, everything.
At this point in the class, I'm considering slipping out to walk out into the hallway and stare at the wall. No, I don't actually do that. The truth is that whenever I slip out, at least in this class, it actually is to go to the bathroom. I chug water all day long and coffee as well to make up for my lack of sleep. If I had any sense of shame, I would be embarrassed about going to the bathroom on an almost hourly basis, but I do not care. Enough talk of my bathroom habits.
In conclusion, I would like to apologize for my confused looks in class and lack of speech. I am not mute, I promise. I am also paying attention in class and doing all of the readings, I promise. I simply request that, for the love of learning, you please consider adding some structure to the class. Maybe you could write some stuff on the board with one of those markers or else refer to the specific page numbers in the book. I'd be thrilled if you talked through the text in order of page numbers instead of randomly skipping around without warning. I know, I am a mere student and a mostly silent one at that, but I am super confused in your class. Help me out a little, please?
Sincerely,
the confused, mostly silent student who sits alone in the corner.
PS-I would like you to know that when you told us our mid-term was on everything we'd talked about so far, I panicked for days and re-read mostly everything. I still could not remember what Kim said about dualism, so I didn't answer that part of the question. I'm sorry, but I figured that this was better than making stuff up, since I knew you would be able to refer to the book while grading my exam. As far as I could tell, I was left with two options. 1.) I could either draw an imagined picture of the author along with a note begging for partial credit OR 2.) I could ignore the second half of the question, pretending I didn't notice it and look at the floor when I turn in my exam. I'm sorry that I'm not very good at drawing.
