Dear Mrs. Akard,
I am writing you because I wanted to clear the air. It's been such a long time since I was in the first grade and I realize that you might actually be retired from teaching by now. Even if you are still teaching, you probably don't remember me, and I'm sure that you don't remember the incident. I was standing in line to turn something in and I accidentally bumped and/or stepped on the girl who was standing in front of me. Said girl cried out and tattled on me. I'm not even sure if I realized that I'd come into contact with said girl, because I've always been a dreamer and chances are I had been zoned out for ages, picturing myself flying beside Peter Pan in Never Land or something. When the tattle girl cried out, it must have snapped me out of my daydream, though I'm sure I was confused about exactly what was going on. I didn't know what I'd done when you confronted me about the incident and asked what should have been a simple question. "Naomi, did you do that on purpose or on accident?" Well, everything would have been fine, except that I didn't know what the word 'accident' meant and I was too shy to ask. I stood, silently, and thought about which one sounded worse. This six-year-old version of me decided that obviously 'accident' sounded much, much worse. I announced that I had done it on purpose. I felt pretty triumphant about my conclusion, that is, until it got me into trouble at school and at home, dammit.
I just wanted you to know that I didn't push or step on or whatever the heck miss tattle accused me of doing. I was only guilty of ignorance, and for that I blame my parents. (Though I should take some credit for my lack of attentiveness in school. Yeah, sorry about that.)
On another note, I was wondering if you've ever considered changing your last name. You may or may not have realized that it bears a strong resemblance to the word 'acorn'. When I was in your class, my dad constantly referred to you as Mrs. Acorn. This infuriated me at the time and I used to argue with him on an almost daily basis. My dad found my indignation to be quite amusing, which only fueled his teasing. He was even more amused when, years later, I seriously referred to you as Mrs. Acorn in a conversation. I had forgotten your actual name. That being said, I think you should consider changing your name to Mrs. Acorn. I think it would suit you and it's much more fun to say.
Sincerely,
the ignorant daydreamer
PS-I would like to say a special thanks for the scissors. I don't know how they came
into my possession, but for years, I had a purple pair of scissors that said 'Mrs. Akard' in
black on the handle. One would be tempted to say that I took them on purpose, but I'm guessing it was an accident. Maybe.
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