An Open Letter to the my ex-chapel buddy.

        I went to a private liberal arts college where weekly chapels were mandatory and seating was assigned.  Every semester, students are allowed nine chapel skips, but even when I was a mere freshman, I skipped far more than the allotted amount. In one of my last semesters, chapel seating was arranged by high schools and I ended up by all of the homeschoolers. This is an open letter to my chapel buddy from said semester.

Dear chapel-buddy-I-ignored,

  

    I know that you wondered where I was during the first two weeks of the semester. 

I'm not even saying this to be vain. I'm saying it because the first time I slid into my seat, you turned and said "Oh, it's my missing chapel buddy." I don't think that I introduced myself and I certainly didn't give an explanation for my absences. I wasn't there for the first two weeks for a number of reasons, none of them very legitimate. I always skipped the first day of chapel-too much excitement. I did go once in the first week that semester, but I sat in the wrong seat by accident. Yes, I was a senior and I still couldn't figure out where my seat was. I suppose that I didn't try very hard to figure that out. I just knew ahead of time that I was supposed to be sitting in the second row; what a shocker to find out that there were multiple seats in the second row. Why would they do that? By the time that I found my actual seat, I didn't want to explain my stupidity. I didn't really want to talk to you at all. I'm sure that if we had talked we'd be getting married. Right. Now.

I suppose that you could be getting married right now, but not to me and it's all my fault. I'm sorry that I never asked your name. I'm also sorry that I hit you with my backpack sometimes when I shuffled in late. I really should have offered you some of the nuts and dried fruit I would eat occasionally during chapel. I didn't eat very often during chapel, because one day, I could feel our Chaplain's eyes boring into the back of my head. Admittedly, I probably shouldn't have eaten during chapel at all and I now realize there's a chance you could have been allergic to nuts. Oops.

          

 I want you to know that my constant grunting during chapel was not because you gave off

a strange odor or even because you had a habit of tapping your foot. It wasn't even because I was constipated or anything. Trust me, I eat lots of fiber. It's just that I didn't really want to be there. I'm not usually a fan of things people force me to do and I wasn't particularly thrilled about sitting in the second row next to all of the kids who were homeschooled in high school. I'm sure that you're a really nice guy and maybe I should've been a little bit more friendly. Thanks for trying to make conversation a couple of times. It wasn't you-it was me.

Sincerely,

the grunting girl with the checkered backpack.